An Honest Christmas Letter

This is a work of fiction (that's "made up,"  for those of you who haven't been in an English class in awhile.) However, I make no guarantee that the people and situations depicted herein don't resemble real life people and events.

Happy Holidays from the Rasmussens!

2015 was another great year for our family, and we wanted to send along a quick update. One of the best parts of the holidays is making fun of each others' Christmas letters and pretentiously correcting their grammar. We double checked all our apostrophes, but theres' sure to be some mistake's! Here we go!

The one picture we got of the kids with their eyes open

The kids are both growing and learning new things every day. Our daughter finished up preschool at the top of her class, and started kindergarten towards the top of the bottom third. Her favorite part is picking out crazy outfits every morning, with wild colors and patterns, and it should only be another year or two before crushing peer pressure extinguishes that creative spirit. Our son became a second-grader, and his favorite subjects are lunch and coming home. He tried joining a soccer league, although he's pretty scared of the ball and the only reason he sticks with it is because one time we bought him a slushy from the concession stand at the sports center. We're all enjoying the daily routines of being a young family, like fighting over teeth brushing and managing the charging of everyone's electronic devices, which we all use way, way too much.

My new running shoes, lookin' sharp!

We all set some goals for 2015, and our updates are as follows. I strove to run a 5k at some point during the year, and I took several steps towards that goal. I bought running shoes, and wore them one time when I cleaned the garage. After that, I thought about running more than a few times, so I'm still making progress! My son decided to stop using the words "poop" and "fart" so often, and he failed miserably. Our daughter strove to accomplish some kindergarten basics, like shoe tying and not showing her underwear to everyone all the time because she just can't figure out that wearing cute dresses means she can't roll around on the ground. She's almost got the shoes taken care of! And my wife attempted to be more patient with the kids and me, and there's still a few weeks left in the year.

Our Netflix screen, where we spent a lot time this year

The biggest news for my wife and me is probably our television consumption in 2015. We rewatched Game of Thrones, caught up on House of Cards, and made it most of the way through Fringe, which is like X-Files, only crazier. We tried watching a few documentaries to be more socially responsible, but gravitated back towards The Office for the third time through. In 2016, we really hope to get to Orange is the New Black.

My wife's well-earned posterior

Early in the year, my wife set out on a brand new fitness and nutrition regime, which worked. She looks great! Unfortunately, her life is now devoid of happiness and joy as her world is consumed with carb counts and desperate yearning for the Tootsie Rolls the kids now have to hide in their rooms. I, on the other hand, have gained nine pounds, mostly on the backs of fun sized candy bars. Thankfully, I've only outgrown two pairs of pants. Everything else still fits!

November brought with it an unfortunate challenge for me in the form an ingrown hair on my chin. My wife unsuccessfully went at it with a tweezers early on, and we decided to give a few weeks to ripen. Eventually I caught it with the beard trimmer and the hair that unfurled seemed to be a foot and a half long! So, while things turned out alright, we were all pretty upset for awhile there, and hopefully we are out of the dermatological woods!

We hope all of our friends and family had as fabulous of a year as we did! We look forward to seeing many of you in 2016, and we wish all of you, near and far, a very Happy Holidays.

Love,

The Rasmussens